Lady in the Water ???????????

I finally put away my lollygagging ways and went to see M. Night Shambalamba's Lady in the Water last night. I haven't posted my review yet (although it should be up on my site by Monday sometime) but here is an e-mail I had sent out just after seeing the film. I believe it gathers my albeit raw thoughts pretty clearly.

I have heard nothing but bad press about Lady in the Water - even M. Night Shambalamba is having second thoughts - and I knew as soon as I receiv'd my friend's e-mail I had to go see for myself dammit (fist hitting desktop in dramatic flair) - so mere seconds after I read his "Hey man, I just saw Lady in the Water and I just want you to know it sucked balls. You may know this already but just in case....it sucked balls." comment on the e-mail I got up, found my hat and made the movie in seconds flat.

My opinion on seeing it? He (so eloquently) said it "sucked balls" and I am going to have to disagree with that assertation and say this about it: "It sucked big fat donkey balls god damn it!!!".

Jesus Christ I cannot believe how insanely ridiculous this film is. It fucking flabbergasts me. One expects certain films to be bad (slasher films, straight-to-video thingees, teen sex romps, Wayans Bros. movies, B-Grade horror et cetera) but one could never be ready for the stupidity of a filmmaker that should know better.

I have never been a Shamalamadingdong fan - I have never liked one of his films, but I have never disliked any either (until tonight of course). Full of some of the most ridiculous dialogue this side of a carnival sideshow fortune teller act and some of the most ham-handed acting this side of an Ed Wood film. Jesus Christ this was bad.

I'm not even sure how to review a film this shockingly stupid. How do I do it god dammit!? (like this I suppose). Of course some critics (and you know who you are) seemed to have like the film, so I am even doubly bumfuzzled now...